Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if only i could text you this smell
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
