just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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