My nipple is on Facebook.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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