for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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