hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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