he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
