Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think people are normalizing furries
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
