I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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