Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
