He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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