so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
