My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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