I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
