Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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