Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
