I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
