Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
