The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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