am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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