Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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