My room smells like vodka and shame
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
