he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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