i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
