he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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