I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
