I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
