I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
