I can text with my tongue
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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