Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
