I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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