Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
