I'm going to jail i love you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sober January is a disaster.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
