My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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