It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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