She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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