Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
