Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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