in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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