I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize