? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
