I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He shit in the fireplace
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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