This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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