We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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