I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
