I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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