just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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