remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
