I need help removing her.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
