haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
