i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
