he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
