how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
