I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
