Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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