dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
