well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
