mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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