She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
