Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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