period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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