you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
