Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
