I think i sorta joined a cult last night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize