Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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