Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
