turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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