he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my vag is so smooth its legendary
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
