apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
